5 Actions to Help You Overcome Shame
We’ve all felt shame in our life, and if we ignore this toxic emotion, it can fester and ultimately become the obstacle that limits us from living as our true selves.
While conversing with Talía Cu on Ellas, she shared how she was ashamed while working three jobs during the period of her building her illustration portfolio. It took her years to finally start talking about it and feeling empowered by her experience.
I connected to what Talía was sharing. I have been let go three times in my career, and every time I kept it either to myself or only opened up to close friends. It isn’t till years later that I share it with others and you. This time around, I was hesitant in sharing and focused my attention on starting Ellas Media.
However, I must recognize how in our society, we rarely talk about failures. We talk even less about the shame that comes with it. We focus and only share the achievements and with great detail, more so with our current digital age, share how our life is full of happiness and success.
We don’t talk about the baggage we’re all trying to hide and ignore. Today I want to focus on how to help you in planting the necessary seeds to regain your self-worth.
Overcoming shame is a journey, and like in Talía’s experience, it can take years. However, I hope these 5 actions can make it bearable and the necessary push of motivation to release your shame.
LOVE YOURSELF
This is the most important step of all. We can be so quick on judging ourselves about the mistakes we’ve made or the experience we went through. When you feel the shame resurfacing take a moment to hold yourself and say, “I love you.” Do something that brings you joy like eating chocolate, watch your favorite movie, or listen to your favorite podcast episode of Ellas. Anything that brings a smile to your face while being compassionate to yourself will help you move closer to overcoming your shame.
BE VULNERABLE
I understand that being vulnerable is very difficult. Many people have a flight response (including myself) rather than learning how to be vulnerable. Trust me when I say this, when we take that step towards being vulnerable with the people that love us, we feel loved and supported. This moment of vulnerability also helps us find clarity in our story and own it.
OWN YOUR STORY
Owning your story can be difficult. It means facing ourselves and taking responsibility for the circumstances that surround us. When we step into loving ourselves and being vulnerable, we find strength in owning our story. You can obtain knowledge to change what needs fixing.
LEAN INTO YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM
Shame is stifling, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Lean into your support system. Your friends or loved ones can help you with a different perspective from what you’re seeing. Having another pair of eyes can open new opportunities or give light to problems we’ve been trying to ignore.
OPEN UP AND RELEASE
Talking about our shame and what we’re going through is hard. Opening up is the last thing many people want to do. When you talk about shame with your loved ones, you start feeling less of the weight on your shoulders. Opening up helps us to know who we are; and what we’re not. You put your story out there to see and help you separate the shame from yourself.
Shame doesn’t disappear in a day or two. It’s a long journey, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Remember, you have people that love you, and you have a space here to lean in to find the support to navigate and release your shame.